Sex is often used as a comparison when somebody wants to proclaim the greatness of a particular something or other. You’ll often hear chocolate is better than sex! Or that new ride at Alton Towers is better than sex! The clutch-action of my new Volkswagon is better than sex! But are any of these things really better than sex? Yes, actually, because e-cigarettes are better than sex!
I’m sure you’re nodding your head in agreement already. But before you simply accept what I’m saying, let me run you through the top ten reasons exactly why vaping on an e-cig is better than hopping on the good foot and doing the bad thing.
1 – Probably the best reason e-cigarettes are better than sex is because the button to turn them on lights up. It’s right there ready to be pushed whenever you need it. None of this buying flowers or sexy whispering in the ear is necessary to turn an e-cig on. Seriously, you don’t even need to wear your best pants.
2 – Due to the ease of operating this turn-on button, you can drive a car safely while enjoying a cheeky vape job. The added bonus being that there won’t be any sudden clamping of teeth when you go over a bump in the road.
3 – Alternatively, if you do like to bite down a little bit, an e-cig won’t yelp furiously while looking at you as if you’re an evil monstrosity risen from the depths of hell to consume all humanity one nibble at a time.
4 – Having a micro e-cig isn’t something you need to see the doctor about or worry about your girlfriend seeing for the first time. While not lasting as long as their larger-batteried counterparts, mini e-cigarettes are actually a lot more useful in certain situations than the big boys.
5 – Gentlemen, as well not having to worry about the size of your e-cig you can get a good vape at any time you like throughout the entire month. Another bonus is your e-cigarette won’t spend a few days a month wearing massive pants and finding everything you do really irritating.
6 – As for the ladies and the gentlemen who prefer gentlemen, you never have to worry about walking funny or being a little more cautious while attempting to sit down after a good, hard vaping session. Of course, that might be a good thing or a bad thing, depending on what you’re into.
7 – An e-cigarette can go for hours. In fact, it can go all night long. Also, nobody’s going to accuse you of being a debauched soul going straight to hell if you have a couple of interchanging e-cigs that can keep you vaping 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.
8 – E-cigs won’t suddenly stop producing vapour, fix you with an anxious stare and demand to know if you love them. They also won’t rummage through your drawers or check your text messages and internet browser history. They will, however, wait loyally by your side until you are good and ready to wrap your lips around them before once again discarding them until further notice.
9 – E-cigarettes are simply always in the mood for a little mouth to mouthpiece action. Even if they’re completely out of charge, you can plug them in for just a few minutes and they’ll be happy to give you a quick couple of goes before bed time.
10 – E-cigs allow you to have a threesome with a couple of different flavours without anybody getting jealous. Plus, combining your grapes with someone else’s plums won’t leave you wondering if your whole life has been a lie, while allowing your peach to be infiltrated by a whole bunch of bananas won’t leave you feeling sordid and trashy in the morning. Everyone’s a winner.