Once you move on from disposable cig-a-like e-cigarettes, you soon realise that your old smoking style doesn’t quite cut it with the larger personal vaporisers. If you’re rocking a reasonably chunky Vision Spinner 2 battery with your Clearomizer tank, for example, then it’s never going to sit delicately between your middle and index fingers like your cigarettes or cig-a-likes used to.
Fear not, however, as there are plenty of vaping styles to choose from. But what kind of person tends to favour which style and what does your vaping style secretly reveal about you? Read on to discover these secrets of the universe which I have spent literally minutes researching and/or making up as I go.
THE STEALTH CLAW
You’ll see this technique being employed by discreet vapers. The hand resembles a claw as the vaper attempts to hide and disguise the act of vaping by covering the majority of the e-cigarette with the hand, curling the fingers around to operate the button from beneath. It is often accompanied by a subtle head bowing movement upon exhalation of the vapour, and usually glimpsed on public transport or in places where vaping isn’t exactly welcomed with open arms.
MOST COMMONLY USED BY: Secret vapers and the ever so slightly embarrassed.
WHAT IT MEANS: “You ain’t seen me, right?”
THE CLASSIC PIPE HOLD
This method is cheerfully oblivious to all the world’s problems and is used by vapers who have no discretional issues like those mentioned above to contend with. Instead, the e-cigarette rests atop the hand, around the base of the index finger, on full display for any and all who pass by to gaze upon its splendour. It’s a confidant technique, and an announcement to the world that vaping is rather spiffing, don’t you know.
MOST COMMONLY USED BY: Scholarly gentlemen and moustachioed fighter pilots.
WHAT IT MEANS: “Isn’t everything just so utterly splendid! Especially me.”
THE FRONT FACING FUNCTIONAL
This is the standard e-cigarette gripping method and is commonly employed by the majority of vapers. The four fingers line up along the battery with the index operating the button, with the thumb supporting the whole thing from underneath. It’s a popular vaping style because it allows for easy picking up and putting down and doesn’t require much thought, so it’s safe to assume that vapers using this technique have more important things to worry about than how they hold their e-cigarette.
MOST COMMONLY USED BY: Everyone who is not using any of the other vaping styles.
WHAT IT MEANS: “I don’t have time for your silly article about vaping styles.”
THE SIDEWAYS FUNCTIONAL
Similar to the front facer, this slight style modification is adapted for those who require their line of vision to be uninhibited. It is operated with the index finger, but the mouthpiece nestles in the far corner of the mouth while extending outwards and away from the face. A similar style is often employed by tobacco smokers, though mainly to avoid the old smoke in the eyes problem.
MOST COMMONLY USED BY: Dashing architects and handsome data entry clerks.
WHAT IT MEANS: “I’m far too busy and beautiful to care what you think.”
THE TWO FINGER PINCH
Probably the most elegant of the vaping styles, the Two Finger Pinch is a favourite of people who don’t like getting their hands dirty. Often accompanied by manicured finger nails, the Two Finger Pinch requires a particular dedication to poise and posture that few have the inclination to acquire.
MOST COMMONLY USED BY: Wealthy matriarchs, French politicians, and poodle owners.
WHAT IT MEANS: “I’m probably better than you.”
THE FULL HAND THUMB PRESS
You’ll notice this technique being employed by people who are deeply in love with their personal vaporisers. They can afford to offer a full hand grip because they rarely put the thing down. They like to keep it safe in the sweaty warmth of their palm, and no doubt whisper sweet nothings to it while nobody is around.
MOST COMMONLY USED BY: Dedicated vapers, Tom Cruise-hating conspiracy theorists.
WHAT IT MEANS: “It’s my vape. Don’t touch my vape. It’s mine. Lizards.”